Q. If you are courting a mermaid, what is the correct way to introduce her to your parents?

A. "Mother, Father, this is my Shiney-Scaled Pal."

Q. Under the new government Genital Replacement Scheme (GRS) I have been offered a free voucher for an operation to transform my genitals into the object of my choice. What object would you suggest would be the least alarming for my current sexual partner?

A. How right you are to ask! The results of GRS can often be traumatizing for even the most accepting of partners. To lessen the blow, why not choose a sculptured image of your loved one's face, with a nice, friendly smile on it?

Q. What sort of noise would a sentient chair make the first time it saw a tree?

A. A "Queen Anne" style chair would sigh wistfully, a normal dining chair would merely whimper.

Q. What do you get if you cross a small, scurrying mammal with a gardening implement?

A. The Trowelmouse.

Q. What sort of material, that yachts are often made from, might make you scream?

A. Horrifying Fibreglass.